Everyone always says new year new me it's such a cliche saying, until you have a life changing experience at the beginning of the year.
My experience was having a 10 year friendship end suddenly. All through high school she was my person even when we were separated I still wouldn't let myself fully befriend someone else. I would like to blame this problem on that friend but I can't. Along with being introverted and shy, I was also scared that no one else would accept me. I shut out everyone else before they could see how lame and weird I was. I was comfortable having one friend that understood me rather than a few who might get sick of my weirdness and stop talking to me.
Truth be told I hated high school because of how alone I felt surrounded by people I had known for years. I was invisible eating lunches with strangers and sitting in the corner of the classroom alone. I was the definition of a loner in high school. Back then I was most comfortable that way. In reality all I wanted was to fit in but I didn't know how which led to me not even trying. This friendship caused me to enable myself from exploring other friendship options.
When I was in elementary school my class had about 16 kids I was friends with almost everyone. Middle school was a whole new world I did not like. With so many new kids my old friends made new friendships while I tried to hold on to the last ones I had left. Thinking back I realize just how desperate I was to not be left behind. I spent most of middle school constantly being burned by "friends" who I knew would ditch me in a second if someone better came along. Which happened many times.
My best friend and I had always been friends. We rode the bus together all the way until senior year only living a few miles away from each other. It wasn't until high school that we became best friends that were inseparable. Even when she had other friends I was her best friend and it felt good knowing that. She made me feel not so invisible and not so weird because she was weird like me. We had a perfect friendship with inside jokes, sleepovers and I don't think we ever had a fight until senior year.
Things were rough that year she moved around a lot and was having a really hard time. Maybe it was my fault for caring too much about her life but we ended up having a fight over me being concerned about her. Ironically this is the reason she ended our friendship.
We made up and continued our friendship where she was the only friend that mattered and every one else was 2nd choice.
The transition from high school to college was tough after having the same classmates for 6 years it was weird having classes with one or two people from high school then having everyone else be strangers. The one thing that didn't change was I stilll had my best friend. Even though we were no longer going to school together we still hung out and our friendship stayed the same. I should of been making new friends in my first couple semesters of college but I wasn't. I didn't feel like I needed another friend. It was just like high school all over again.
Everyone who attempted to befriend me I shut out because I was afraid of the eventual rejection I knew would come. I focused all my time and energy on trying to be the perfect best friend that was always there.
Fall of 2015 began the downfall of our friendship. My best friend signed up to attend the college I go to and instead of travelling an hour to school everyday or living on campus I had the idea that she could just move in with my mom and I. I thought it was a win win I had no idea how I was going to get to school otherwise along with I thought it would help us financially if we had someone else helping with bills and rent.
The first couple months went great until I realized we were no longer on the same page, especially when she dropped out of college and started becoming distant. I had changed since high school and she had not. My family are the most important people in my life they always come first. Being selfish is not an option for me. Before I do anything I think about my mom and baby cousin first.
My biggest flaw is that i'm more concerned about the important people in my life than myself. Finally it got to the point a few days before the new year, where my concern was too much for her. She cared more about making herself happy than anything else. We didn't speak for a week and when we finally did it was when she told me she was moving out.
For the first time in a long time I didn't have a best friend anymore. Crying in front of people is not a thing I ever do but when we spoke while she was moving out I cried. She felt bad and said she didn't want to lose me as a best friend but I was already gone.
The moment she left I felt numb and uncertain about everything. we texted from time to time until she came back one last time to get stuff she had forgotten. Right then I knew our friendship was over because I no longer felt comfortable with her. All of my walls were up and even small talk was painfully uncomfortable.Things were different.I once I had thought of her like a sister but now I feel nothing. Our friendship outlived its run. I just didn't want to accept because I didn't want to be alone.
A month went by and I finally came to the realization that this was the perfect opportunity to better myself. Being alone was no longer a fear. In reality I wasn't alone I had two other friends though they both decades older than me I had more in common with them then I had with my best friend. With them I don't have to worry about drama and they share my passion for racing. Having them really helped me through this big change and I'm so glad to have them in my life.
I don't miss my best friend.We had some great times together and helped each other through many tough times. I hate to say it but if she wanted to be friends again I would say no. Were both better without each other.
Without a best friend it felt like something was missing. Being an online college student this semester was lonely. So lonely that I embarrassingly resorted to talking to random people on the Tinder app to during the day when I was bored. Little did I know I would find someone that lives 2 states away that would become a great friend. 51 days ago I matched with a guy from Boston. We hit it off and have been talking everyday since. We both love hockey and accept that we are awkward weirdos. Sometimes you find great people in the most unexpected places. Being in a long distance friendship is weird but weird is our thing so it works for us.
Every past failed friendship has made me a better person. I'm happier right now than I was ever was in high school. I'm ready to make new memories with my amazing friends and finally let go of the bitterness I felt towards old friends.
Truth be told I hated high school because of how alone I felt surrounded by people I had known for years. I was invisible eating lunches with strangers and sitting in the corner of the classroom alone. I was the definition of a loner in high school. Back then I was most comfortable that way. In reality all I wanted was to fit in but I didn't know how which led to me not even trying. This friendship caused me to enable myself from exploring other friendship options.
When I was in elementary school my class had about 16 kids I was friends with almost everyone. Middle school was a whole new world I did not like. With so many new kids my old friends made new friendships while I tried to hold on to the last ones I had left. Thinking back I realize just how desperate I was to not be left behind. I spent most of middle school constantly being burned by "friends" who I knew would ditch me in a second if someone better came along. Which happened many times.
My best friend and I had always been friends. We rode the bus together all the way until senior year only living a few miles away from each other. It wasn't until high school that we became best friends that were inseparable. Even when she had other friends I was her best friend and it felt good knowing that. She made me feel not so invisible and not so weird because she was weird like me. We had a perfect friendship with inside jokes, sleepovers and I don't think we ever had a fight until senior year.
Things were rough that year she moved around a lot and was having a really hard time. Maybe it was my fault for caring too much about her life but we ended up having a fight over me being concerned about her. Ironically this is the reason she ended our friendship.
We made up and continued our friendship where she was the only friend that mattered and every one else was 2nd choice.
The transition from high school to college was tough after having the same classmates for 6 years it was weird having classes with one or two people from high school then having everyone else be strangers. The one thing that didn't change was I stilll had my best friend. Even though we were no longer going to school together we still hung out and our friendship stayed the same. I should of been making new friends in my first couple semesters of college but I wasn't. I didn't feel like I needed another friend. It was just like high school all over again.
Everyone who attempted to befriend me I shut out because I was afraid of the eventual rejection I knew would come. I focused all my time and energy on trying to be the perfect best friend that was always there.
Fall of 2015 began the downfall of our friendship. My best friend signed up to attend the college I go to and instead of travelling an hour to school everyday or living on campus I had the idea that she could just move in with my mom and I. I thought it was a win win I had no idea how I was going to get to school otherwise along with I thought it would help us financially if we had someone else helping with bills and rent.
The first couple months went great until I realized we were no longer on the same page, especially when she dropped out of college and started becoming distant. I had changed since high school and she had not. My family are the most important people in my life they always come first. Being selfish is not an option for me. Before I do anything I think about my mom and baby cousin first.
My biggest flaw is that i'm more concerned about the important people in my life than myself. Finally it got to the point a few days before the new year, where my concern was too much for her. She cared more about making herself happy than anything else. We didn't speak for a week and when we finally did it was when she told me she was moving out.
For the first time in a long time I didn't have a best friend anymore. Crying in front of people is not a thing I ever do but when we spoke while she was moving out I cried. She felt bad and said she didn't want to lose me as a best friend but I was already gone.
The moment she left I felt numb and uncertain about everything. we texted from time to time until she came back one last time to get stuff she had forgotten. Right then I knew our friendship was over because I no longer felt comfortable with her. All of my walls were up and even small talk was painfully uncomfortable.Things were different.I once I had thought of her like a sister but now I feel nothing. Our friendship outlived its run. I just didn't want to accept because I didn't want to be alone.
A month went by and I finally came to the realization that this was the perfect opportunity to better myself. Being alone was no longer a fear. In reality I wasn't alone I had two other friends though they both decades older than me I had more in common with them then I had with my best friend. With them I don't have to worry about drama and they share my passion for racing. Having them really helped me through this big change and I'm so glad to have them in my life.
I don't miss my best friend.We had some great times together and helped each other through many tough times. I hate to say it but if she wanted to be friends again I would say no. Were both better without each other.
Without a best friend it felt like something was missing. Being an online college student this semester was lonely. So lonely that I embarrassingly resorted to talking to random people on the Tinder app to during the day when I was bored. Little did I know I would find someone that lives 2 states away that would become a great friend. 51 days ago I matched with a guy from Boston. We hit it off and have been talking everyday since. We both love hockey and accept that we are awkward weirdos. Sometimes you find great people in the most unexpected places. Being in a long distance friendship is weird but weird is our thing so it works for us.
Every past failed friendship has made me a better person. I'm happier right now than I was ever was in high school. I'm ready to make new memories with my amazing friends and finally let go of the bitterness I felt towards old friends.
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